One of the largest challenges that coaches experience is working with the parents of their athletes. This is an unavoidable part of what comes with being a coach.
While most parents are incredibly caring and supportive of your incredible efforts, some can be more of a challenge and distraction. Dealing with overzealous, overly involved and sometimes downright rude parents can certainly be stressful and distract you from what you love about coaching. It’s not the parents that are simply involved and call to check on their athlete that test patience. It’s the parents that are coming to practice demanding their child get more playing time, approaching you during halftime to let you know what plays didn’t work, complaining to your athletic director and school board about your coaching abilities and more that can make the job difficult. Unfortunately, every coach will experience some or all of these things and more in a career.
Here are a few helpful tips that can help you manage these difficult relationships in the future:
1. Schedule A Pre-Season Parent Meeting
This parent meeting is going to be essential for you as a coach to set expectation and limit future problems. Use this opportunity to get to know the parents of the players and to let the parents get to know you. During the meeting you will need to:
• Explain to them your coaching philosophy and background – Make sure the parents know why you do what you do and your success rate with doing so.
• Present and explain your rules – Every coach has their own set of rules, go over your personal rules and explain them clearly with the parents.
• Present the athletic rules of your school and school district – These rules may include regulations and policies involving eligibility, academic probation, fees etc. Explain to the parents that those rules are not under your control and you must follow them.
• Describe your expectations of the players and parents – Tell the parents what their responsibilities are and their child’s responsibilities as a member of the team.
• Set guidelines for game days – You should expect your players and parents to behave on game days. No fighting with other teams or coaches or refs. Let parents know you expect them to cheer from the sidelines and not scream at their kids in the middle of the game to do certain plays.
• Review team goals, policy and philosophy – Whatever goals you have set for your team and individual players should be discussed with the parents. Make sure you to emphasize that what you are doing is for the benefit and betterment of their athlete and the ultimate success of the team.
• Provide the parents with tips on how they can contribute in a helpful manner – If the parent wants to get involved, let them, and tell them how they should do so.
It is very helpful to outline the above in a handout that you can use as a guide during your meeting. It would also be to your benefit to have the document emailed to parents for future reference.
2. Create A Player Handbook And Contract
Again, have everything written down will offer you something concrete to fall back on. Have your athletes and their parents sign both documents. Make sure parents, players and you alike are on the same page and have agreed to uphold certain expectations and standards. Emailing a copy of the handbook and contract to parents is recommended. Know every word of both documents, so you are able to use it as tool in the future to remind parents and athletes about the specifics of your agreement.
3. Let Parents Watch Practices (With Limitations)
Parents who want to watch practice should be allowed to do so, but set up some guidelines that allow you to do your job and prevent distractions. For example you may require that spectators must watch from the bleachers rather than the sidelines. Put these expectations in your handbook.By letting the parents watch practices they can feel more involved and see what is really happening on and off the field. The parents will be able to better understand and see what you’re doing and better enforce that with their children.
4. Set Rules With Your Players
A good rule to set is that players must take a complaint to you before they take it to their parent. Dissolve issues before they cause serious problems. If players break this rule make sure there is a consequence for their actions. A consequence you clearly stated and had the parents and players sign in the contract at the beginning of the season.Another set of rules that’s important to set is game day rules. Some examples of these include: Not speaking with parents on game days and if there is a loss no communicating with parents until the following day— let emotions and anger diffuse before you speak to parents. Talking to parents in the heat of the moment will only cause more issues.
5. Do What Is Best For Your Players
If an athlete isn’t getting a lot of play time because they haven’t put in the work to earn a spot, it may be time for some tough love. Ultimately sitting out may instill the message that hard work is what will earn your approval and more playing time. This can be a stress point for parents who perhaps don’t see everything that you do. Include clear rules for practice attendance, game attendance, etc. in your athlete handbook (missed practice = reduced play time). If you have an athlete that puts in the time, but just isn’t excelling enough to start, see if you can offer them more playing time on the JV squad to gain further experience. Explain why this to the benefit of the student rather than a demotion. These young minds also have many things going on in their lives outside of the game that influence how they perform. Coaches are very often called on to act a little like a parent or counselor. Take the time to listen to their concerns. It will help you develop a better relationship with your team. As a coach, it’s your duty to make sure your decisions and actions are always to the benefit of you players. The parents of your athletes will recognize these efforts and your team will work hard to earn your approval and respect.
For a more in-depth analysis and resources please read the following:
http://www.ausport.gov.au/sportscoachmag/role/dealing_with_parents_promoting_dialogue
http://www.breakthroughbasketball.com/coaching/dealing-with-parents.html#ixzz2uRyiujXq
http://www.breakthroughbasketball.com/coaching/dealing-with-parents.html