We all know the old expressions about how a chain is only as strong as its weakest link, and how one bad apple can spoil the whole bunch. Every coach knows that there’s some truth to these sayings, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Understanding how to deal with difficult kids on your football team is crucial to success and, perhaps more importantly, to the enjoyment of everyone on the team.
Most teenagers act impulsively and test boundaries – it’s their way of exploring the world. But it’s practically inevitable you will eventually run into a kid that tests your patience and makes you question your sanity. This doesn’t make you a bad coach; it just means that you’re human. A few simple strategies will go a long way toward understanding and dealing with kids who won’t listen, don’t respect boundaries, or act disrespectfully toward their coaches and teammates.
1. Set Limits, and Stick To Them
Practices should be structured ahead of time, and rules need to be made clear. Players thrive with consistency and firm guidelines, even when they act like they don’t, and coaches who lack structure are practically inviting kids to see how much they can get away with. Make sure that each player on your team understands the consequences for bad behavior, and stay consistent. It can be tempting to ignore or make exceptions for a difficult team member, but this does more harm than good. Everyone needs to be treated the same, with no exceptions.
2. Uncover the Root of Bad Behavior
Difficult players on your football team don’t act out for no reason. While disciplining negative attitudes and behaviors is important, it’s more beneficial in the long run to determine why a player is behaving this way. A medical issue like ADHD or an emotional issue like anxiety may be involved, or the kid may be going through a difficult life experience like divorce or the birth of a new sibling or an all around difficult home life.
3. Be a Good Listener and Observer
The ability to pay attention to your players’ needs in one of the most important skills in your arsenal, and you can learn a lot by observing. Players that seem withdrawn or lack motivation may be having difficulty at home, and kids that act boastful and display bullying behavior may really be feeling insecure. If a child is old enough, one of the most helpful ways you can improve negative behavior is to have a one-on-one conversation in which you let the player know that you care about him and want to be the best coach to them that you can.
4. Keep Your Cool
It’s easy to fall back on arguing, yelling or lecturing when difficult kids on your football team work your last nerve. You need to avoid this trap. Arguing puts you on the same level as your players and undermines your own authority. Yelling creates an uncomfortable situation for the whole team, and lecturing can cause even your best-behaved players to tune out. Instead, make a commitment to keeping your cool and explaining to your players what you expect of them in a firm but calm tone.
5. Don’t Use Exercise as Punishment
Many coaches use exercise—running laps, doing push-ups—as punishment, but why would you want to create a negative association with physical activity in the minds of your players? Laps and workout segments of practice should be seen as positive and necessary, not as punishment. When a player is showing difficult behavior, start by explaining in a firm but concerned tone that their behavior is not living up to the standards of their fellow teammates, and ask if they want another chance. The answer will almost certainly be, “yes.” If the behavior continues, sending the player to the bench or systematically limiting his playing time is a more effective punishment than exercise.
6. Reinforce Positive Behavior
All children want to be recognized for their abilities and accomplishments. Point out where improvements or adjustments are needed when you have to, but make sure you spend more time praising positive accomplishments than pointing out failings. Kids want attention, and the difficult kids on your football team are far more likely to respond to positive attention than negative.
7. Focus on Kids’ Strengths
Not every member of your team is going to be a star player, but everyone has something to offer. Negative behavior is often a reflection of a player’s insecurities about his own ability to contribute to the team. By identifying and focusing on each player’s strengths, you allow them to do the same. Difficult players on your football team in particular often step up to meet the challenge when they are given more responsibility.